(Editor’s Note: The following comes courtesy of @FakeJoeDooley, a phenomenal follow on Twitter and growing legend in Lawrence and surrounding areas. We here at Jayhawk-Talk fully endorse beer, so we were happy to post these for your enjoyment. Reminder to check out the Jayhawk-Talk podcast and “Like” us on Facebook. Looking VERY forward to playing this drinking game tonight. I think I’m drafting Ben. Rock Chalk!)
I. THE “PLAYER DRAFT”
Before the game begins, you must conduct a player “draft.” You’re responsible for draft order. Drafters choose from one of the five starters on the team: Jeff, Ben, Elijah, Travis, or Perry. If you have more than five playing the game, you choose a starter that has already been chosen (two people may have the same starter). Don’t worry about the reserve players. They’ll come into play later on.
II. YOUR INDIVIDUAL DRAFTED PLAYER RULES: (Refer to the draft)
All of Section II is specific to your drafted starting player.
- Drink one (1) for every point your drafted player scores (E.g., You drafted Ben and he makes a layup – drink two; or, you drafted Elijah and he makes a 3-pointer – drink three). Always remember that these drinks are not meant to be a burden. It’s a celebration. We just fucking scored.
- Travis Releford: Every time Travis makes a “hustle play” (e.g., takes a charge, attempts a charge, flops, drops, dives, or scrambles), give out three (3) drinks to anyone in the room. Feel free to slap the floor with two hands before delivering.
- Jeff Withey: Every time Jeff has a blocked shot, give out three (3) drinks. Feel free to rub it in by giving the recipient the Dikembe Mutombo finger wag.
- Elijah Johnson: Every time Elijah attempts a 3-pointer, give out two (2) drinks. If he makes the 3-pointer, give out five (5) drinks.
- Ben McLemore: Every time Ben gets an offensive rebound, give out two (2) drinks. If he does a put back dunk off that rebound, give out five (5) drinks.
- Perry Ellis: The Perry Ellis Aggressive Meter (Give out the number of drinks (1-5) corresponding to Perry’s aggressiveness inside the paint as described below:
- Fruit Fly – Simple, easy lay-up (non-dunk) around the basket. Allen Fieldhouse gives a golf-clap. (give out one 1)
- Rabbit – Tough lay-up or dunk with minimal contact with the rim. Causes high-fives among the crowd. (give out 2)
- Bulldog – Strong lay-up/dunk that causes a slight rattle of the basket. Fieldhouse’s country club section rises to their feet. (give out 3)
- Lion – Powerful dunk with some rim hanging. Causes the student section to jump up and down. (give out 4)
- Sasquatch – Thunder dunk or alley-oop dunk (causes Allen Fieldhouse crowd to lose their shit). (give out 5)
Special Individual Player Rules: (Rare individual player rules)
These are rare instances that your drafted player may play a part in during the course of a game. Watch for these both for your player and other players in the room.
- Technical Foul: Drink 10 if your drafted player gets a technical foul. Also punch your neighbor and give him or her 10 as well (don’t need to inflict real pain, but it’s your world). You may spread these 10 around the room if you’d prefer. If Perry Ellis gets a technical, go to your shelter because the world is ending.
- Posterized: If your drafted player posterizes another team’s player, give out 5 drinks to the room. If you get up and re-enact the play, give out 15.
- Career High: If your drafted player achieves a career high in points, you can give out drinks to the room up to that total (e.g., if Releford bests his career high by scoring 30 points, you can give out 30 drinks).
III. UNIVERSAL TEAM RULES: (Everyone in the room takes part in these)
These are meant to be community rules and are separate from the individual drafted player rules.
- 3-Point Rule: Every time a Kansas three-point basket is made, everyone has to throw up the 3-goggles sign over your eye (hold up three fingers in the “a-ok” formation and putting the circle over your eye). The LAST player to do it has to drink 5.
- Frustration Time-Out Rule: If the other team calls a timeout in frustration after a big KU run or exciting play, find a partner and do a jumping back-bump. Or invent your own “back to the huddle” celebration and tweet it to @FakeJoeDooley and I will post it.
- Doom$day Rule: If Doom$day is pictured on your television screen at any time take two (2) drinks and cover your girlfriend’s eyes because she’s probably thinking bad thoughts.
- Pizza Commercial Rule: If your television shows a pizza commercial, take one (1) drink and order another pizza. No pizza days off.
IV. RESERVE RULES:
- The Kevin Young Rule: Kevin Young is a lot like Mario when he gets a star because he runs around all crazy. When Kevin Young enters the game, everyone drink 4 because its about to get wild.
- The Bench Holdback Rule: Dunks are often very dangerous and cause people to freak out. If the bench players are shown holding out their arms to prevent the rest of the players from jumping on the court, stretch your arms out and prevent your neighbor from jumping into your TV and drink (2). Send me your best holdback pictures.
- Coach’s Son Rule: If Tyler Self, Evan Manning, or Niko Roberts score, the first one to yell “coach’s son!” gives out 5 drinks.
TWITTER SHIT: Send @FakeJoeDooley pictures of your group playing this drinking game and use the hashtag #DooleyDrinkingGame. If it’s an especially good example of how the game is to be played, it will be retweeted. If your picture is retweeted, give out twenty (20) drinks courtesy of ME.