Editor’s Note: The following comes courtesy of @FakeJoeDooley on Twitter. Give him a follow if you don’t already. We at Jayhawk-Talk endorse these rules wholeheartedly and look forward to partaking in such festivities over some Boulevard Pale Ale and O’Dell’s Myrcenary (Double IPA) just added to the fridge. Cheers!

Kicking some referee ass.

I. THE “PLAYER DRAFT”

Before the game begins, you must conduct a player “draft.” You’re responsible for draft order. Drafters choose from one of the five starters on the team: Withey, Robinson, Taylor, Releford, or Johnson. If you have more than five playing the game, you choose a starter that has already been chosen (two people may have the same starter). Don’t worry about the reserve players. They’ll come into play later on.

II. YOUR INDIVIDUAL DRAFTED PLAYER RULES: (Refer to the draft)

All of Section II is specific to your drafted starting player.

Scoring Rule:

• Drink one (1) for every point your drafted player scores (E.g., You drafted Tyshawn and he makes a layup – drink two; or, you drafted Elijah and he makes a 3-pointer – drink three). Always remember that these drinks are not meant to be a burden. It’s a celebration. We just fucking scored.

Superpower Rule:

Each starter has a freaking SUPERPOWER. This superpower is specific to only that player. When your drafted player uses his superpower in the course of the game, you give drinks out instead of take them. The individual superpowers are as follows:

• Tyshawn Taylor: Every time Tyshawn makes a crazy pass (good or bad), you give out two (2) drinks to anyone in the room. Also feel free to throw something at them and drop a “point plank’n.”
• Thomas Robinson: Every time Thomas pretends he’s a point guard (e.g., shoots a 3-pointer, dribbles ball up the court, etc.), give out two (2) drinks to anyone in the room. Also, if he happens to make the 3-pointer, give out five (5).
• Travis Releford: Every time Travis makes a “hustle play” (e.g., takes a charge, attempts a charge, flops, drops, dives, or scrambles), give out three (3) drinks to anyone in the room. Feel free to slap the floor with two hands before delivering.
• Jeff Withey: Every time Jeff has a blocked shot, give out three (3) drinks. Feel free to rub it in by giving the recipient the Dikembe Mutombo finger wag.
• Elijah Johnson: Every time Elijah attempts a 3-pointer, give out two (2) drinks. If he makes the 3-pointer, give out five (5) drinks.

Special Individual Player Rules: (Rare individual player rules)

These are rare instances that your drafted player may play a part in during the course of a game. Watch for these both for your player and other players in the room.

• Technical Foul: Drink 10 if your drafted player gets a technical foul. Also punch your neighbor and give him or her 10 as well (don’t need to inflict real pain, but it’s your world). You may spread these 10 around the room if you’d prefer.
• Posterized: If your drafted player posterizes another team’s player, give out 5 drinks to the room. If you get up and re-enact the play, give out 15.
• Career High: If your drafted player achieves a career high in points, you can give out drinks to the room up to that total (e.g., if Withey bests his career high by scoring 20 points, you can give out 20 drinks).

III. UNIVERSAL TEAM RULES: (Everyone in the room takes part in these)

Everyone in the room will take part in the following rules. These are meant to be community rules and are separate from the individual drafted player rules.

3-Point Rule:

• Every time a Kansas three-point basket is made, everyone has to throw up the Tyshawn Taylor 3-point sign over your eye (hold up three fingers in the “a-ok” formation and putting the circle over your eye). The LAST player to do it has to drink 5.

Back Bump Rule:

• If they televise a back bump, you have the option of doing a 10-second waterfall or getting up and doing a back bump with your neighbor.  If you choose the latter, have no regard for the coffee table, drink, or your neighbors that live below you.

Doom$day Rule:

• If Doom$day is pictured on your television screen at any time take two (2) drinks and cover your girlfriend’s eyes because she’s probably thinking bad thoughts.

Pizza Commercial Rule:

• If your television shows a pizza commercial, take one (1) drink and order another pizza. No pizza days off.

IV. RESERVE RULES: (THE JUNEBUG, MERV, CHRISTIAN, NIKO RULES)

• If Junebug, Merv, Christian, or Niko enter the game in the first half of play, everyone drink ten (10) for each. If they enter the game in the second half, everyone drink five (5).

• If any of these four players score at any point in the game, everyone drink the amount equal to the points scored (E.g., Niko hits a 3-pointer, everyone drink 3).

• If any of these players miss a dunk, finish your drink.

V. TWITTER SHIT

• Send @FakeJoeDooley pictures of your group playing this drinking game and use the hashtag #DooleyDrinkingGame. If it’s an especially good example of how the game is to be played, it will be retweeted. If your picture is retweeted, give out twenty (20) drinks courtesy of me.

Editor’s Update:

Thanks to @joshdutcher, there are now “cheat sheets” available for playing the @FakeJoeDooley drinking game. You can find the original rules here, but these sheets will help. Especially late in the 2nd half after you’ve played the game for a while…

CLICK LINK BELOW AND SAVE:

DooleyDrinkingGame_CheatSheets

Rock Chalk!