Posts Tagged college basketball

@FakeJeffWithey’s 2013 Dating Advice (Valentine’s Day Edition)

Posted on: February 12th, 2013 by jayhawktalk No Comments

(Editor’s Note: The following dating advice column comes courtesy of @FakeJeffWithey, the entertaining alter ego to KU basketball player, Jeff Withey. Follow him on Twitter for lively in-game commentary and general shenanigans and rascality. Warning, explicit/awesome language to follow).

 

What should I get my girlfriend for Valentine’s Day?

In a perfect world you would be enough to satisfy your girlfriend and you wouldn’t need to buy her a gift.  But since you’re not me, a gift is probably a good idea.

I really feel that Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake brought gift giving to a whole new level with D*** In A Box. Unfortunately this isn’t always practical. For example, I have only pulled this move off one time,  when I was able to track down an old box that was previously used to house a refrigerator (Side Note: Don’t give this gift at your girlfriend’s grandmother’s 70th birthday. Awkward for everyone).

Since I am laying claim to all the dimes in the area, I assume most of you are dating uggo’s.  With that in mind, I think the best gift you can get her is something that benefits both of you.  Pick something about her appearance that you don’t like.  It could be anything from her weight, to her complexion, to her boob size.  Next, find a way to subtly suggest that she improve this area.  You might think this is insulting, but trust me women are a goal-driven species.  And nothing is going to drive home your point like buying a bra two cup sizes too large, or a scale with a target weight written on the base.  Be careful not to set your goals too high though, because if they get too hot they’re probably just going to leave you for a basketball player.

Do you condone online dating?

Online dating is tough.  The best-case scenario here has you banging a 7 or 8 with trust issues.  Worst-case, your Ms. Right turns out to be an overweight Mizzou fan named Steve.  I’ll share a story below on why I think the positives of online dating do not outweigh the negatives.

The names of those involved have been changed to protect the victims’ identities.

The year was 2011 and a young man on a college basketball team was having a tough time meeting women.  This was an uncommon problem for members of this particular basketball team, but senior guard Gordan Guenemann had high expectations for his women.  Because of these expectations, Guenemann turned to dating website ChristianMingle.com

Through online chats and late night phone calls, Guenemann fell in love with a wonderful, kind-hearted woman.  Then early in the season, tragedy struck and Gordan Guenemann’s girlfriend was killed in a car accident.  Amazingly, he was able to turn this tragedy to triumph as his inspired play in mop-up minutes propelled his team to within one win of a national championship.  It wasn’t until after the season that Guenemann was told his girlfriend was actually his teammate (and international sex symbol) Jeff Witheyasosopo playing an elaborate practical joke on him.

In the end, Guenemann lost the big game, lost the big award, and is generally considered to be a weird dude for falling in love with a woman who never existed. Moral of the story…online dating is sketchy.

How do I land an older woman?

The key to landing any woman is to find common interests.  Unfortunately, in your question you didn’t mention the age of the older woman you’re going after.  To help solve this problem, I have put together a table of common interests broken down by age, which should help you through your journey.  Cut this out and keep it in your wallet for advice on the fly.

 

Age

Interests

16-18

 Prom, posting duck face pictures to Facebook, Dollar Night at The Hawk, shoes

19-30

 50 Shades of Gray, posting pictures of their food to Instagram, yoga pants, any one of the Kardashians, shoes

31-40

 HGTV, their ex-husband, Adele, gluten-free meals, that cute thing their kid did once, shoes

41-60

 The way things used to be, Stephen King, Home Shopping Network, gardening, shoes

61+

 The Great Depression, naps, Roosevelt (either one), shoes

 

 

My girlfriend is great, except she doesn’t know anything about basketball.  Is there anything I can do to fix this?

Stop dating K-State fans.

 

My advice to Bill Self and the 2012-13 Kansas Jayhawks

Posted on: February 10th, 2013 by jayhawktalk No Comments

Fuck it, dude. Let’s go bowling.

I mean it. Hang with me here, but first, take it from Walter:

 

Coming off three straight losses for the first time in, well, it doesn’t matter, the only thing this team needs is to not think about basketball for a few minutes. One of the best parts about coming to Kansas is the ridiculous passion of an adoring fan base. It can also be a burden, sometimes.

You know, when you lose three straight games for the first time in, well, it doesn’t matter.

Elijah Johnson has played his worst stretch of games as a Jayhawk. And to be honest, probably the worst stretch of his whole life. He is a head case shooting the ball. He is a head case driving the ball. He just doesn’t have it right now. You might recall when he did have “it.” About 11 months ago he was the reason we made a run in March. For a stretch of games there, he played his best  games as a Jayhawk. Hell, maybe the best stretch of his whole life.

Works for Paul Pierce

I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m not buying the narrative that “this team isn’t any good.” They are good. They have two guys that will literally be making $1 million+ playing basketball next year in the National Basketball Association. They probably have another two or three other guys that will be productive professional players in a different league. Can Oklahoma say that? What about TCU?

This team isn’t bad at basketball. They’re just playing like they are. Some of it is coaching, for sure. I don’t think you can leave all the blame on the players. But now is the time for Self and Co. to make up for it. This is where he shows that he’s a Hall of Fame coach. This is where he demonstrates why we just inked a contract to pay him until my unborn child is in middle school.

So what does he need to do?

Take the team bowling this weekend.

Get their minds right! Slumpbusters obviously aren’t working. Shuffling the starting lineup ain’t working either. Running steps in Allen Fieldhouse or suicide runs or treadmill punishments don’t seem to be getting the message across either. Even Strength & Conditioning Coach, Andrea Hudy, mean-mugging players doesn’t even work (it’d work for me).

You aren’t going to learn much over the weekend. No new sets will be installed. You’ve already prepared for K-State before. I’m telling you. Bowling will do the trick.

And if ANYBODY tries to tell you that KU has no chance and that Elijah sucks and that this team is done for the season and let’s look forward to the football season and blah blah blah… just tell them this:

Rock Chalk.

Releford, transition buckets key to KU’s offensive woes

Posted on: February 8th, 2013 by jayhawktalk No Comments

Editor’s Note: Following post brought to you by Taylor Erickson, new contributor to Jayhawk-Talk. Follow him @tc_erickson and find his work on his blog, Rock Chalk Thoughts. We’re excited for him to join the JHT team and look forward to reading more from him.

Let me begin by saying I’m not a college basketball coach.  I have no basketball coaching experience outside of a youth YMCA team.  I did not stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.  I have, however, played quite a bit of basketball in my life, and like probably everyone else reading this post, my mental stability relies heavily on the ability of KU to get their offensive woes straightened out.

This is my attempt to solve KU’s dreadful offense, and offer a solution for how this team can get back on track.

If you’ve read some of my previous ramblings, you know I’ve mentioned several times the correlation between Travis Releford’s point output and our team record.  Prior to last Saturday’s game against Oklahoma State, KU was 38-1 when Releford scored in double figures.  Against OSU, he scored eight points.  Wednesday night in that debacle against TCU, Releford scored one point.  Go back to mid-November & December, when we were playing really well.  During that nine game stretch beginning with Washington State at the Sprint Center, and ending with the game against American U on December 29th, Releford averaged 15.7 points per game.  KU’s average margin of victory during that stretch was 22.6 points.  During conference play, Releford has averaged 10.2 points per game, while our margin of victory has dropped to 6.0 points per game.  Obviously the level of competition has increased significantly during conference play, but there were difficult games during that November-December stretch, and the Big 12 isn’t exactly filled with good teams.  Colorado could beat several teams in the Big 12, Belmont is probably a tournament team (more than what TCU and Texas Tech can say), and that win at Ohio State continues to look better and better.

I put together the chart below to show Releford’s average points in relation to our average margin of victory throughout the course of the season.  I separated the season into three segments based on Releford’s point totals: 0-10 points scored, 10-15 points scored, and 15+ points scored.

From the graph you can see as Releford’s point production increases, our margin of victory increases accordingly.  Common sense says that conclusion is obvious. If we’re routing a team, everyone is going to score more.  I agree completely, however, I think there’s a different conclusion to be drawn.  When Releford is scoring at a higher rate, most of his points come in transition where he excels at finishing plays.  He doesn’t key our offense by knocking down a ton of jumpers in a half court game. Against TCU Wednesday night, KU had zero points in transition.

So what’s the conclusion I’m trying to draw?  KU has been awful at getting out into transition recently.  It feels like we haven’t seen a typical KU run fueled by easy transition buckets in weeks. I don’t recall seeing a dunk by McLemore or Releford for quite some time. The thing I’m struggling to wrap my head around is how a team that is so good defensively has such trouble generating steals and getting easy transition buckets. I’ve read a few columns this week that mention we get into trouble when we get sped up and try to play fast. In my opinion, I think that’s precisely what we need to do more of. Think back to most of Elijah’s turnovers. A good majority come while running our sets in the half court offense.  Elijah, McLemore, and Releford are all at their best in transition, so why not try to encourage more of that?

I find myself thinking back to December when we were a dominant basketball team, trying to figure out what we were doing then that seems to be lacking now. This is the best explanation I can come up with, and one I truly believe has a big influence on our success moving forward. There’s no better way to boost the confidence of this team than easy buckets and few dunks, and it’s apparent this team is struggling for confidence right now.

Listening to national media this week, you would think we’ve lost five or six games in a row.  I’ll be the first to admit, I was awfully down on this team Wednesday night.  It felt like the sky was falling in Lawrence, and we were doomed for the remainder of the season.  I’d love to see us get out and run on Saturday, and get back to how we know we can play.  If we take care of business in Norman, and smack K-State on Monday, ESPN will be preparing a segment for Gameday in a little over a week explaining how the TCU loss was a turning point in our season.  I’m looking forward to that.

Here’s to hoping for a great game tomorrow to get us back on track.

Rock Chalk.

TE

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